Don’t block the box

While commuting, nothing steams my clams more than blocking the box. What is this blocking of the box you ask? At a four-way intersection, this is when the lanes of traffic selfishly stack up into the intersection in a failed attempt to make it through, and then block other lanes of traffic. It takes every ounce of self control not to viciously attack these people.

Observe a typical blocking of the box scenario

Observe a typical blocking of the box scenario

The people who commit this act must not be very intelligent. Maybe this is a little extreme, however perpetrators of this heinous crime are rude, short sighted and inconsiderate. I often try to imagine what they are thinking inside of their tiny heads, and how they have justified their actions. The short answer is that I can never find justification for their actions. Imagine the scene in the picture above.The bus and cars headed towards the top of the picture have decided that they are more important than everyone else, and they will now intentionally impede traffic in order to assure that they get where they are going. However they will end up not doing this, and simply create a larger mess aka gridlock. This is the equivalent of being mad that there is a line for the toilet, then proceeding to pee on the ground and everyone else waiting for the toilet, thereby encouraging others to do the same and ultimately causing pandemonium and the breakdown of society.

DC has had enough, likely due to them knowing how mad it makes me.

So next time you think it wise to block the box, instead follow these easy steps:

  1. End yourself
  2. Repeat step one

F*@# the woods, give me some toys

As I’m sure everyone knows, the outdoor community is outraged with a Toys ‘R’ Us commercial that has recently come out. Basically, it shows a gaggle of children getting onto an outdoor education bus, and then being pleasantly surprised that they will not be learning about the outdoors, but instead going to Toys ‘R’ Us. See the commercial below.

Needless to say, my fellow outdoor enthusiasts are totally un-stoked about this, because of the obvious association that says the outdoors and outdoor education are boring, and materialism and toys are good/better.

I’m torn on being upset. How about the fact that my fellow outdoor amigos and I spend inordinate amounts of money on material items called ‘outdoor gear’ (but really toys one uses outdoors). And dig a little deeper here towards the ‘behind the scenes’ and one learns that these children are from Boys and Girls Club, Big Brothers/Big Sisters. So these kids could use a toy, and the outdoor community could perhaps learn to chill a bit.

Regardless of their deserving manner, it appears this is not really touched upon in the advertisement. What is touched upon is that the outdoors are boring, and toys are fun/better. For a 6-11 year old, I sadly think this might be true. But this is likely due to the fact that they don’t really have fun associations with the outdoors. Children grow up in suburbs or cities with no positive association to the woods and the outdoors. And the outdoor education cliche of being boring is frankly speaking, often times true. What 6-11 year old wants to learn about trees and leaves? Lets immediately fix this by making the outdoors fun for the same reason adults love the outdoors, it’s an adventure. Children love adventures, and they love fun, which is why they love toys. The second we make the outdoors fun, is the second that children will grow up cherishing them, and thus have the desire to protect and defend them later on. I say we need more programs that bring children to the woods to play, that turn the outdoors into a playground, that make it an adventure. Let’s present the outdoors to children in a manner that a child would understand, not in the manner that a botanist would understand.

This kid is having fun outdoors, and will always have fun outdoors

This kid is having fun outdoors, and will thus always have fun outdoors (sadly this is not me as a child)

I loved the outdoors at a young age. This is because I was fortunate enough to be a part of groups that put me in adventurous and fun outdoor programs, as well as having parents that supported my desires to explore local trails and country parks. Once the activity is fun, then the desire to learn and be an advocate will follow.

Also, if I had a nickle for every time I ran through Toys ‘R’ Us like a maniac as a child, I would be able to afford that new GoPro.

Go STRFKR yourself

Sometimes you just gotta say why the STRFKR not? Such was the case this past week when I and a partner in crime went to the local music hall and saw everyones favorite STRFKR.

The show was excellent, and we came away with not only an excellent musical experience, but some handy photo evidence as well.

I’m sorry, but this is real

Exercise sometimes, maybe, generally, usually, hopefully means something. However I don’t know if it means anything anymore. I’m in a dark spot, where I simply don’t know what to do.

This is real.

If this isn’t the most vanilla thing you’ve seen today, I’m sorry, because I honestly thought this would do it.

DIY? More like kill yourself

Some of you no doubt have seen this ever popular video of an outfitting company who went out and built the “worlds largest/craziest swing.”

Now this looks like a very interesting and terrifying activity. However it appears to be administered by an outdoor outfitter and presumably with large attention to detail and safety. Although this makes me feel alright about the activity, it saddens me to report that someone took their monkey-see-monkey-do instincts to a unfortunate place, and killed themselves attempting to recreate this activity.

Sheriff’s Lt. Kim Neal reported that the “length of rope to swing from the arch was miscalculated and when [Stocking] swung under the arch, he struck the ground . . . receiving fatal injuries.”

This is a more successful execution of the giant swing.

This is a more successful execution of the giant swing.

Even though I kinda feel bad for this person, another part of me doesn’t feel bad at all. How thick does someone have to be in order to think this activity can be put together in an afternoon with a cursory understanding of rope dynamics? I suppose the answer is someone with a very poor sense of judgment and an even worse grasp on rope stretch and geometry.

In any case, this should be a cautionary tale to all the ‘do it yourselfers’ out there. When attempting to set up a hundred foot drop swing in the desert, don’t.

You win some you lose some

Sometimes things move so fast it’s hard to even focus on what is happening. These are the times when important things tend to happen, both good and bad. I am now eager to share a couple things that have happened to me recently. I found a job, and thus began the process of setting down some roots. I quickly found a house, I moved into the house, and the house was burglarized almost immediately. This unfortunate burglary has ironically given me several things, one of which is an immediate free pass from ‘white people problems’ for at least a month or so. The event has also made me a little bit jumpy, afraid of my own shadow, and it has additionally given me a great excuse for why I choose not to share my sad little thoughts with the internet for some time.

Although I jest slightly about my poor luck, it does raise some interesting issues. One of which is my general malaise about the entire event. I am not super angry, I’m not super freaked out, and the only aspect I’m really thinking about on a regular basis is did the bandits get my new carpet dirty (it appears like we are in the clear). But I do want to know why I’m so blasé on this. Have a lifetime of white people problems allowed me to handle this decidedly real life issue in a mature fashion? Has my hectic schedule of the past couple months made me too tired to react? Many potential answers exist, however I’m no closer to an answer than I was the moment I walked up to my “artfully” disassembled front door and then emotionlessly reacted from then until now.

I truly wish I could have made my burglary more exciting, but I wasn't even home alone.

I truly wish I could have made my burglary more exciting, but I wasn’t even able to use my extensive knowledge of Rube Goldberg devices.

The burglary took from me not only my false sense of security, but also my porn machine/face book device. My appliance held numerous pictures I had set aside for a large and potentially lovely jaunt down my past several months since returning from my adventure abroad. However I will now simply have to share all the things left over on my phone. Please enjoy,

Thanksgiving? Probably not. Not safe for work? Oh most definitely.

So it’s the day before Thanksgiving here in the rich coast. And while everyone is enjoying the company of their families, I will be diligently working on the stuff that I do here as there is no Thanksgiving in Costa Rica and no one cares about Thanksgiving . Although this will be the second year in a row I spend Thanksgiving nowhere near family or loved ones, I still would like to give thanks for the things I have and do, etc, etc. I would like to give thanks for my Partner in Crime, my collection of vintage Barbie dolls, as well as Central American Groove Shark’s ridiculous advertisements.

Can't say no to what? WHAT DO THEY MEAN! I really should click...

I really do want to know what she can’t say no to. Good deals at the grocery store? A second helping of stuffing? My vintage Barbie doll collection? Perhaps she can no longer say no to a one month subscription of Popular Mechanics magazine? What do the insinuated other women have issues saying no to? What do the other women who can’t say no look like? Do they also have ill-fitted clothing and hilariously fake breasts? I really have no answer for any of these questions. I do not know.

The only thing I do know is that clicking on this ad would most likely be severely disappointing. Both for you and your computer’s hard drive.