I’ve got very few problems

…and they are mostly white people problems.

Entertainment and distractions come at us from every direction these days. Whether it be on your phone, on your tablet device, your computer, your laptop, or your brand new hybrid laptop/tablet that serves no purpose, the modern human is seeing more than they ever have. However let’s be frank, not all means and methods are created equal.

I am not even talking about the hardware we use to view things. I’m talking about the programs and service providers. Some have come to be synonymous with online viewing, such as Netflix or Hulu. However even these stalwarts of online streaming are not super cool anymore. I wont say anything bad about Netflix, however Hulu is truly looking for a swift kick to the pants. There was a time when I groaned furiously when they added a 20 second ad at the beginning of my program. Now I spend more time “customizing my ad experience” via choosing what type of Jeff Goldblum PayPal rant I want than I do actually watching the newest New Girl. Do I want Jeff talking super fast with medium hand gesticulation? Or perhaps just fast but with heavy hand gesticulations? Or would I prefer full on stereotype jewish man? The choice is truly mine. It’s too bad that this doesn’t save you from still watching ads within my program that are neither relevant nor interesting to me.

Jeff imparts his wisdom concerning online payment sites

And then there are the upstarts who are so close yet so far away. I’m talking to you HBOgo. How does this go wrong? With such a novel idea of on demand HBO programing whenever you want, it seems impossible to mess up, however it often is. The fatal flaw is that the menu of options is fantastic, nearly every show and every season with movies and even dirty movies. However its the menu you can only see and never watch. This is because for whatever reason, it rarely if ever works. It simply loads forever, or just crashes. As I write this pathetic rant I meant to show screen shots, however the program wont load on the computer. And when it does load, it breaks the basics of good streaming by having the worst interface bar ever. The volume can only be operated by someone whose mouse has the sensitivity to perform surgery via the internet, and you can’t even pause with the space bar. I mean come on!

So really you can tell several things are going on here. One, my life is rather dull if all I can find time to complain about is online streaming sites, and two that my life is really dull because I must be spending all my time on online streaming sites.

Which is true.


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