Flying home for the USA proved to be more of an adventure than a trip. Many states, many dinners, many gas stations, one mountain town, several normal towns, toys and all the time I could ask for with the partner in crime. To be totally honest, all these adventures could not simple fit into one post. Thus they will be broken up into several. Because I am he who says so.
As I landed in DC, I was very excited to see my partner in crime and simply get some sleep, as I was very tired from the ordeal of travel. Unfortunately, my checked bag was nowhere to be found. A less than desirable issue that always leads to murky solutions. At the lost baggage counter, the line in front of me consisted of an 8-year-old slavic boy with “meh english” representing his family, whom were getting some coffee at the express Starbucks. Unfortunately for the boy who was certainly trying his best and doing far better than his American counterpart would have done in this situation, he did not know a lot of the pertinent information, so needed to make several trips to the coffee shop to find out. Behind me were a gaggle of Hawaiian shirt clad Russians who looked incredible confused as to why we were all quietly standing in line instead of all simultaneously mobbing the desk yelling and shouting obscenities at the desk worker while smoking and drinking handles of vodka (as is the custom in Russia). Once I reached the attendant, it was immediately apparent this man has been raised by equal parts mountain dew and The Legend of Zelda. This however did not help his ability to navigate the computer in any way, which lead me to believe his new influence in life is heavy amounts of weed. Eventually I was able to make the executive decision to send my bag to Columbus Ohio, my future destination, in the hopes that once I arrive the bag will be there waiting for me. In the car waiting for me was my partner in crime/bff, as well as Chipotle burrito, my how life is sweet. I went home happy and full.
The next day my partner in crime and I set off for where the American dream is still alive and well, Columbus Ohio. After 7 or so hours driving though some rather nice parts of Maryland, West Virginia and Pennsylvania, our destination was reached. Immediately upon arrival a slew of family activities took place. Large amounts of interaction with the partner in crime’s extended family and fun games of remembering names took place nearly all night. After a lovely evening and meal, some of the younger family members, but not too young, opted for a bar in a neighboring town. So off we went, a large band of similar looking family members and one kind of ethnic looking guy (me). Posting up in the upstairs of a classy Irish bar, the evening at this point turned into a mush of yelling/conversations and shots. Photo evidence below.
So after some rather serious drinking for no particularly good reason, it was back to the homestead. After several additional and very unneeded shots of rum, dogs barking wildly led some to notice a bag on the front porch. This was of course, my bag, joining me in America’s heartland a day late. So after this bit of fortune, I ended the night by falling asleep immediately on my face.
To be continued…