Tips for a Wine Show

Nothing says bourgeoisie like a good old wine show.  Smug jerks of all walks of life (but mostly well dressed and wealthy) flock to this opportunity of bottomless tastes, and the occasional full pour.  Fortunately for me, I was able to attend this smug fest.  Although I do greatly enjoy wine, to say I know a lot about wine would be an excellent practice in the stretching of the truth.  That’s to say I don’t have any idea what I’m talking about.  I do know that one of my favorite wines is Sangiovese (san-gee-oh-ve-zee), simply because it’s fun to say.

One of the best parts of this is experience is the people watching.  When someone goes to a wine show, the only real purpose is to taste (drink) as much wine as they can, or so I thought.  Unfortunately for me, everyone seemed to keep it together.  However by the end of the four or so hours of tasting, the crowd was definitely feeling the effects of the tasting fest.

keep pouring

One might think, “Wow, wine shows are complicated, I don’t think this is for me”.  However going to a wine show is easy.  Anyone can do it.  Follow these easy steps and you will be good to go,

  • Walk up to the vendor and they will probably say, “hey bro, check out this awesome wine”
  • Respond with, “What would you recommend I start with?”
  • Now the person can go through their full assortment of wines, and you look like a genius.
  • Taste each one, and say what you think.  This consists of saying either,
    • Hmmmm, this is quite nice
    • Alright, this one is also good
    • Nice flavors here
    • I like what’s going on here with the aromas
    • At least once during the day, pour the wine into the little bucket and say the flavor displeases you.  You will feel awesome.
  • Simply walk to the next vendor, and repeat

That’s all it takes.  Since it’s very easy to tell who the promoters and sponsors of the event thought would be here by the promotional luxury cars parked inside the building, following these easy steps will have everyone fooled that you belong.

Or at least get you a little drunk.

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3 thoughts on “Tips for a Wine Show

  1. “At least once during the day, pour the wine into the little bucket and say the flavor displeases you. You will feel awesome.” Well said – I will try that this weekend!

    Also good, say something about a wine being “too dry for my taste.” Oddly enough, it is never appropriate to say wine is “too wet.” Why not? I have no idea.

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