Get set for the Jersey shore apocalypse

The extent of my celebrity knowledge begins and ends with what I see in the grocery store check out line.  Along with my enormous self-gratification due to solely all natural foods that I’m buying, I like to lower the smug levels by diving deep into the crazy lives of celebrities.  I find their lives terrible, tragic, yet amusing and often times fascinating.  Finding out that celebrities don’t wear make-up all the time, do things “just like you”, go on modest vacation with their in-house staff to their own private islands, dispose of their kids from their various celebrity marriages at the kid watching store then go have 40 bloody marrys at lunch, all this is interesting to me.  One of the most interesting groups of people has to be the Heidi Spencer thing.  Now I could talk day in and day out about this folks, but I wanted to bring one thing to front of the conversation (and it’s not that Spenser told Kim Kardashian he didn’t like her Sketchers commercial, OMG what a jerk!).  He wants to join the FBI and have an awesome career!

I feel safer already!

Now what makes this entire story more interesting, is why he wants to take on this new career path.  As said by the man himself, “Those ads that pop up when you sign on the computer that say, ‘Do you want to work for the FBI, all you need is a college degree.’ I was like, I don’t have that.”  All of the valued readers out there now this theme has occurred here before.  However for all of you who do not know what these ads are, allow me to blow your mind.

Looks good to me

Just as a reminder, this ad is completely real. Our main man Spencer saw this, and decided he wanted in to the FBI.  Now don’t get me wrong, I want nothing more than highly educated, creative and hard-working folks in the FBI.  I do not however, want this guy in the FBI.  I could talk about how bad this is etc etc, however lets talk about how awesome it would be to have Spencer FBI hanging out with the Jersey Shore Apocalypse FBI.  This would surely be a formidable stomping crew.  They would walk up to the club, beat the hell out of the bouncer, dance like maniacs, confiscate everyone’s drugs, then do everyone’s drugs, investigate all the jagerbombs they’ve been getting reports about, then put them into the jagerbomb disposal unit aka Spencer’s stomach, then go outside and drive off into the sunset.  Ahh what an amazing image.  I can’t wait for this day to occur.  The tabloid magazines would have the impossible task of keeping up with these to party boys of the future.  My grocery shopping experience would be way better, as I would be able to escape to a magical land of hair gel and whoop ass every time I fill up my cart.

And to think it could all be due to this one helpful little ad.

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5 thoughts on “Get set for the Jersey shore apocalypse

  1. I’ve seen this ad before and wanted to blog/microblog it because I thought it was so hilarious. I’m glad spencer sees the same one but goes a slightly different route.

  2. Pingback: Same crap different language | painfullyvanilla

  3. Pingback: How (not) to be an illegal alien | painfullyvanilla

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